Working Moms: The Crushing Toll of the Pandemic — Nashville Institute for Faith and Work

When Covid-19 first appeared in the headlines a year ago, we had no idea how it would upend our lives–particularly the lives of working parents. The foundation of our daily lives shifted dramatically, leaving us dangling over a precipice but still holding on to things that must go on, like school and work. We’re walking a tightrope while juggling babies and diaper changes, preschool tantrums, science homework, Zoom school, Zoom meetings, work deliverables, and we still have to get dinner on the table and laundry washed (definitely not folded though). We try to fill the missing gaps of after-work social events with our colleagues, of ballet lessons and birthday parties with our kids. The inevitable quarantines put us further behind in school and work, and yet somehow the expectations on our output haven’t really changed.

The gifts of remote work, like flexibility and working from home, have changed the game for working parents in recent years. But the downsides during an everyone-at-home-for-almost-12-months world? Forty hours of work (at least) a week plus hours a day of schooling per kid … the math doesn’t work. We were tired before and juggling too many things... I don't know about you, but something has to give. While the "primal scream" provides momentary relief it isn't the answer.

“The foundation of our daily lives shifted dramatically, leaving us dangling over a precipice but still holding on to things that must go on, like school and work.”

For the last 12 months, I’ve felt like I’m stuck in 7th grade algebra all over again. I cannot make x+y=z, no matter how many times I try. X (home) and Y (work) added together equal far more than Z. But Z is all I have to give.

Work, inside the home and out, is a gift from God, a call that predates the fall in Genesis 3. And Scripture is full of examples of women who work outside the home. Shiphrah and Puah (midwives in Exodus 1), Deborah the judge (Judges 4), Huldah the teacher who interpreted the Scripture (2 Kings 22), Lydia the trader (Acts 16), Priscilla the tentmaker (Acts 18), Phoebe and Junia (Romans 16).

Despite the seemingly insurmountable challenges of work during a pandemic, because God ordained work–for men and women–He goes before us in it. He goes before us in all things, promising us His presence. He doesn’t promise an easy road, even doing the work we are called to do. But in the challenges, He is there.

THE “PRIMAL SCREAM” AND UNFETTERED FEAR

The New York Times recently published a series called “The Primal Scream,” which exposes the true cost of the pandemic on working moms. Just reading the first essay (“How Society Has Turned Its Back on Mothers”) brought forth a torrent of relief for me and many of my friends. I received links to the story from so many women who felt seen, heard, and validated. “We’re not alone,” the story told us.

Whether you are working mother or father, or the leader/colleague/employee of one, the pandemic has changed the way you work. The illusion of full-time childcare has disappeared. Even for schools that have reopened, cycles of quarantine and exposure have made nothing routine. For families facing unopened schools or who have high-risk kids, virtual education is daunting if not impossible. Scenarios include keeping kids focused and on-track while they Zoom into a virtual classroom for 8 hours a day, or managing a course load of 6+ high school classes as the primary educator… often while also maintaining a part-or full-time job, not to mention the mental load of running a household.

“If you supervise a working mother (or father), think really creatively about how you can support them.”

The hardest part of the stories and statistics is this: there’s not actually a way to relieve the pressure, at least not in the short-term. Long-term, systematic structures that keep women (especially minority women) in low-paying retail or hospitality jobs can be reexamined. Income disparity between men and women, paid parental leave, and loosening of historically fixed working hours and arrangements can all be addressed. But now? Going into month 12 of a global pandemic? How do we survive physically, mentally, and emotionally?

WHAT WE CAN DO

What was so striking about the New York Times’ piece is that it exposed the desperation working women and mothers face. Its name, “the primal scream,” unpacked the social, emotional, and economic cost of this pandemic specifically on mothers.

Here are some simple ways to encourage the working women in your orbit:

Ask “How are you doing?” Let them vent, and listen without offering suggestions. They are tasked with the impossible right now.
Offer to help. Send a takeout gift card, or offer to take their kids to the park for an afternoon. Drop off a hot, healthy meal. Offer to Zoom with their children to read a story, or virtually tutor an older child in a difficult subject.
If you supervise a working mother (or father), think really creatively about how you can support them. Encourage them in their work and praise them for juggling work and home so well. Don’t pretend like their home lives don’t exist, or that they aren’t trying to manage a household with children during a global pandemic. Ask them what they need from you in order to succeed at work and at home.

WHAT JESUS OFFERS THE WEARY

Finally, as people of faith, the call to the workplace is often much bigger than bringing home a paycheck. It engages us into the world that God loves so much, and asks us to be ambassadors for Jesus in the places we live, work, and play.

Scripture doesn’t offer us a formula for keeping everything together during a world-changing global pandemic, a financial crisis, and the revealed disparities between working men and women. But it does offer us rest.

“His presence is as sure as the sun that rises every morning, and it is as steady as a spring rain.
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In Matthew 11:28–30, Jesus says this: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Jesus offers us rest for our weary souls. He listens. He loves. When everything is falling apart, when the world has literally shifted beneath us, He never changes. His presence is as sure as the sun that rises every morning, and it is as steady as a spring rain.

Try taking a few minutes today to see how Jesus loved you today. Can you see how He gives you strength and mercy each morning? Thank Him for His presence in the most difficult moments in your day. Draw near to Him, and He promises to draw near to you (James 4:8).

Jesus invites us to a peace that transcends our circumstances. But He also offers us eyes to see those around us who need love and mercy. Seek to be refreshed by Him, and seek to refresh others through Him, as we continue in this long and hard season.